I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
