the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize