she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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