I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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