There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
