Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
