Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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