On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
