You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He did a backflip because drugs
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