none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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