yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
