i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
