And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
