It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
