Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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