Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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