there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
