Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
