Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
