your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
