A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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