Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
