It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
