3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
