i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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