god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
