if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
