Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
