On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
do nipples grow back?
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