Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
