it hurts more in the daytime
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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