No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
