dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
