2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
