She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
