Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
