We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
