I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
