This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
