wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
