I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
