return my video game
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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