between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
