life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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