Ambien. No doubt about it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
