I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
