omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
