then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
