i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
