She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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