im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish you could order shots online.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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