I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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