I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
