you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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