At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
