Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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