I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
