Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
