Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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