I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
