I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
