I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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