Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
