I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
