If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Are we still banned from the library?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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