I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
