I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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