before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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