im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
