Kiss
Puke
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
