Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
