Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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