Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
