I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
