no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
