and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
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It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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