my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
please don't ironically join a cult
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