During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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