May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just want to make out with him forever
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
