o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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