i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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