We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
